And perhaps that old adage is proven truest of all when applied to the complex relationship of parent and child.

Newmarket resident, Joan Lambur, knows all too well how different the viewpoint between mother and child can be. In fact, she literally wrote the book on it.

Grabbing at Water is the title of the work co-authored by Joan Lambur and her daughter Madeleine, or Maddy, Lambur. According to Mrs. Lambur, it’s a quirky, sometimes contrasting look at the world of parenting presented from both sides.

“What we did, my daughter and I, was we mapped out 15 different stories from the time she was five until she was 22,” she said. “It’s the same story told from two very different perspectives. We decided it would be an interesting thing to do.”

For Mrs. Lambur and her daughter, the process of writing the book was one big learning experience. Some incidents, such as a teenaged Maddy borrowing her mother’s brand new company car without permission or a licence, didn’t happen quite as she had described at the time.

“There were some surprises,” Mrs. Lambur said. “I had no idea (she) was up to that at that age.”

For the record, Mrs. Lambur’s daughter said she was trying to help a sick friend at the time when, in fact, she and a friend were party-hopping.

The pair was stopped by the police before the night was through and the car was impounded.

Mrs. Lambur said she can laugh off her daughter’s teenage hijinks now, but it has taken a long time to get there.

In fact, the book serves to chronicle Mrs. Lambur’s long ascent from struggling single mother to successful author.

Mrs. Lambur grew up in Toronto and, from a young age, wanted to write for a living.

In the end, she decided to study journalism in the hopes she could find a way to realize her dream.

But she became pregnant just before graduation and had to put those aspirations on the back-burner, instead for the sake of her child.

“For me, personally, my real dream was to be the press person for the prime minister,” she said.

“I studied to be a journalist at Centennial College, but, when I was graduating, I was just about to have a baby and couldn’t take the jobs offered at that time.”

Mrs. Lambur opted to stay home with her two children rather than enter the workforce. Yet, it wouldn’t be long before she’d be forced to find a way to juggle the pressures of both career and parenting.

Mrs. Lambur’s marriage ended, suddenly, and she was left with the daunting task of raising two young children and re-entering the workforce at the same time. Fortunately, she was able to put her journalism skills to good use by accepting a part-time publicity job with Columbia Pictures to keep the family afloat.

Even so, making ends meet remained a constant struggle for the young mother.

“It was definitely challenging,” Mrs. Lambur said. “Bills were paid late and I couldn’t afford needed home repairs or renovations. I just kept working really hard.”

Little by little things improved as her career progressed. She eventually left her publicity post and took other higher-paying positions. One of the bigger breaks in her career was being in charge of the TV and merchandising rights for the Teletubbies right before they exploded in popularity.

“It was difficult, but I had a couple of lucky breaks,” Mrs. Lambur said.

“Eventually, things turned around and we got some financial stability.”

Still, the new-found success came with a price, too. It meant Mrs. Lambur had to spend a lot of time travelling and leaving her daughter to her own devices.

The business trips gave the young Madeleine Lambur plenty of opportunity to get into all sorts of mischief such as “borrowing” the car.

“Being away from home so much doesn’t necessarily feel great, but not paying your hydro bill feels worse,” Mrs. Lambur said.

At one point, Mrs. Lambur and her family moved to Los Angeles as part of her career. However,

Madeleine became ill and they ended up returning to Toronto to seek treatment.

No illness, it seems, could slow down the younger Ms Lambur.

Her exploits continued unabated and, at 17, she appeared on the front page of the local newspaper smoking marijuana at a legalization rally.

“Her whole motto was it’s always better to beg forgiveness than ask permission,” Mrs. Lambur said with a sigh.

All of that teenaged rebellion meant Mrs. Lambur had to step in a fair bit and play the parental part of disciplinarian.

Each and every time, she said, she felt bad about it, but now realizes her daughter doesn’t resent her for a second.

“Kids are more resilient than we think,” Mrs. Lambur said. “She was never really hurt when I grounded her, just annoyed I was cutting into her social time. We think kids are deeper than they really are.”

Madeleine Lambur agrees she isn’t angry for being punished as a child. Truly, she said the whole experience of writing Grabbing At Water has helped her develop a much deeper understanding of her mother and brought them closer together. “I didn’t realize she was laughing at some of the things
I did,” she said. “I always thought she was mad growing up.”

The mother-daughter duo has a lot in common it turns out. Madeleine said she, like her mother before her, grew up with aspirations to write.

“When I was a kid, I was always into creative writing,” she said.

“They were mostly journals, though, and mostly about boys I liked.”

As such, the younger Ms Lambur said she couldn’t use much out of those journals as fodder for the book because, as she puts it, they’re just “too embarrassing.”

Still, Madeleine said she’s glad she and her mother took the time to look back. It was a truly wonderful experience and one she’s glad they shared.

“I feel bad for the hell I put her through,” she said.

“Now, I realize that I could do anything and she’d still forgive me.”

What’s more, the younger Lambur said she is filled with a new appreciation for her mother and truly admires her for everything she has done and all she has accomplished.

“I never really thought a lot about who she was,” she said.

“I know now how hard she had it sometimes.”

Mrs. Lambur said she’s satisfied with the whole process, too, adding it has opened her eyes about the constant pressure put on parents and also helped her forgive herself for some of her preconceived shortcomings.  

“Parents make mistakes,” Mrs. Lambur said. “I think the environment around parenting is way too politically correct and (society) wants parents to be perfect.”

After years of struggle, Mrs. Lambur can now say she’s not only a successful parent, but a successful author, too.